“No bootlegging at Disney”

I recently left a part time gig at Disneyland.
I have loved Disney from a very young age, and working for the park, albeit a short stint, didn’t really ruin any fairy tales for me. In fact, I admire Walt Disney’s genius and the company’s innovative ideas even moreso now.

The one thing I can never get over are the pants we had to wear as cast members. Pleated at the most unflattering area (yes, the belly), and tapered at the legs (OMG), it really did add about 20 lbs. (thanks but no thanks).

When confronted with such selections, I had on my first day of training foolishly asked, “any bootleg cuts?”. To which, my trainer looked at me like I was a Kardashian. I mean, it’s not like I asked for “skinny pants” or anything.

Every piece of costume I’d wear seemed to have been designed for the purpose of going against what looks good on me---for my body type, and uhm––-face type. All curves were straightened out, the positives were not accentuated, but rather obliterated. All blouses were buttoned way up. And for a person with a relatively short neck like yours truly, and a round face to boot, all you saw was a walking chest and massive cheeks! I was mortified.

This is the happiest place on earth, and in here I oughta look good, shouldn’t I?

Weeks after deciding to leave to pursue my other career options, I saw Dina Goldstein’s photographs.




Dina Goldstein’s work speaks for itself. I love it. I think all young girls should be exposed to her photographs in their teens.






The funny thing is, I do love my Disney princesses. But it is nice to get your head straightened out from time to time for a reality check.
Because yes, in fairytale land we’d all look good in anything and have one dimensional happy endings.
But in the real world, I’d rather have a choice in wearing mid-rise bootlegs with all the V-necks I damned please.

I prefer a future that doesn’t end abruptly with an Old Style Gothic font that says “THE END”. Life is never definitive nor guaranteed. And that allows us to be adventurous.

I’d rather see the super: “REMAINS TO BE SEEN”…I find that more interesting (and that much more exciting).

"Hasta la vista, Christmas Tree"

I have always loved Christmas trees.

And while this will sound obsessive, I must confess I have a few in my garage. 3 now in fact of varying sizes and styles. I might need to enroll in a “Xmas Trees Anonymous” class if I keep this up.

I love hunting for them, I love putting them up, I love making all my ornaments and décor work together in nice compositions. I don’t however, enjoy packing them up, or tossing them out if they are real. It depresses me.

I know it’s mid January, and I am fully aware that I am a tad---ok, I am grossly late in doing this. But in my defense, I was out of town immediately after New Year’s. And the other version of the truth? I get deeply emotional about it.
I know it will take a full year again, and 3 seasons before I can unwrap them. Seasons of unknowns, of highs and lows... of a life imperfect and difficult most of the time.

Packing the tinsel away marks the beginning of facing life in its most real and often dreary terms. With Christmas and New Year’s, we get a break from the hardships of our lives if only for a few weeks.

This reminds me of a lesson I keep having to relearn---the necessity of "letting go".

Even without the glitz of the lights, glitter and foil wrappings, I know that the real spirit of Christmas should stay with us all year long. That's what I learned from my Parish priest. Another way of looking at it is, by packing away these things that we love and letting them go, we are actually opening ourselves up to the contrast of the joys of unwrapping them once again, and experiencing the intense pleasure of enjoying them. Let’s face it, haven’t we all seen Christmas lights that were hung all year long, and isn’t it a much sadder sight to see? Dust have collected. Fading has taken over the once colorful and cheerful decoration. The absence of novelty has worn them out.
By letting go, and understanding that not all of life can possibly remain a series of highs all the time, we are able to truly live life. How high is the happiness, if not for lows of the sad?

2010 is here and life awaits. I have to hustle.

SUMMER MUST BE OVER

(taken from my sidewalk where the blossoms have grown tired)

It’s nearly 100 degrees in LA, but I was told it’s officially Fall now.
At least it was official the other day.
This is my favorite time of year…for the smells of it (more noticeable in the east)…for the promise of favorite holidays to come, along with my favorite food and decorations.

But I leave Summer this year with a lot of sadness.
What a season it’s been.

I started it by leaving my job and was determined to spend it my way. Looking for a job, yes, but more so, immersing in what life had to offer. I went to class to learn a web design program. I attended about 3 design and entertainment conferences both here and San Diego where I nearly fainted when I saw Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr., Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Tim Burton, James Cameron, Peter Jackson, James Cameron among others. 2 best girlfriends from New York came to visit me on separate occasions, and we were just silly enough to screw my head back on and right again...

... I went to a couple county fairs and looked at some big ass blue ribbon zucchinis. I finally saw John Williams perform at the Hollywood Bowl while sipping wine and picnicking. Some old co-workers came to sprinkle the right dosage of gossip and support. I BBQ'd using my tiny foldable grill with a friend as the grillmaster. I went to Disneyland a few times and bought a few collectibles, ate plenty of turkey leg and corndogs to boot.
I was in fact trying to feed my soul, clearing the cobwebs.

I didn’t find the right full time job. But I picked up a few right-for-right-now part time freelances along the way. Plus, more importantly, a good portion of my "joie de vivre" back.

I also happen to meet the most good-hearted people on this whole wide world. And they live in Temecula. This family, opened their doors without a moment's hesitation to me when I had knocked at sunset asking for help. My car was stuck in our own manmade ditch, and my friend was left trying to rescue the car, while guarding our belongings some several feet away. The wife offered me the bathroom, a bottle of water, while the husband was already out the door, picking up his tractor in order to help pull the car out. Neighbors nearby went to pick up some rope or chains, bringing their muscular sons along for manpower. While all the men struggled with the car, their youngest daughter stayed with me and told me stories about snakes in the area, trying to I guess, "c-h-e-e-r" me up. Of course, I didn't tell her that snakes are actually up there in my list of phobias.
They were our angels that night.

As I say goodbye to Summer, and hello to Fall and Halloween,
here’s a picture of my new pet.



For those who might think I’ve lost my marbles, do know that I am fully aware that this is in fact, a cactus.
A cinnamon cactus more specifically.
See…

You know why I bought it? Simple. It made me laugh.
Because when I saw it I saw 2 feet with toes. And then I thought,
“it’s like Frankenstein's monster dove into the pot. How the heck did he get there?”
The cashiers thought it was cute and raved about it. And when I told them what I saw, they just kind of gave me a glazed over look, matched with a forced, "we've got ourselves a hazelNUT" smile.

That's ok, it’s my world. They just live in it.
And in my world, FALL WILL HAVE TO BE AWESOME.

Rash Perceptions (A Photo-Word Essay on How Quickly We Jump to Conclusions)

PAUSE before you think. It might just surprise you.

FILMS THAT CURE (or at least offer some relief): PART 1 OF MANY SEQUELS

A few things in life are recession-proof.
One of them is food, and for yours truly, another is “movies”.

I was hanging out with one of my dearest friends and she suggested that I write about films that inspire me.

So to ScarletRose, this one’s for you.

• AMELIE (directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet): when you need a dose
of joy, magic and mishief.


• MARATHON (directed by Yoon-Chul Jeong): when you
have too many excuses.

*thanks JC for giving me this movie

•THE TASTE OF TEA (directed by Katsuhito Ishii): ): when
your family's driving you crazy.


•WALL-E (directed by Andrew Stanton): when you crave
the perfect gentleman.


•THE KILLER (directed by John Woo): when forgiving yourself
is the hardest thing.


•LARS AND THE REAL GIRL (directed by Craig Gillespie): when
you want to know all about LOVE.


•MOULIN ROUGE! (directed by Baz Luhrmann): for tired eyes (and hearts). Special nod to Rei who is several notches more obsessed
than I am over this film.


•300 (directed by Zack Snyder): when you need to believe
against all odds. And if you happen to be a creative,
this will also take care of the rut.


•SEX AND THE CITY (any episode from the series. Ok technically not a movie, but the series was better): (for the girls) when you miss your friends and they are nowhere near you. Take at least 2 episodes, and feel sane again.


•SABRINA (directed by Billy Wilder; the one with Audrey and Humphrey): when you have become all about the overt–––time to see the subtext.


•LAST LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (directed by Pen-Ek Ratanaruang): for LIFE revisited.


•MEAN GIRLS (directed by Mark Waters; can be substituted with CLUELESS): sometimes you just need a guilty pleasure.


•CINEMA PARADISO (directed by Giuseppe Tornatore): when… heck,
you don’t really need a reason. The multi-vitamin of films, you should just watch it because it’s good for you. One of my top 5 favorite films
of all time, it also has my favorite theme song of all. I cry everytime.


•THE PROFESSIONAL (directed by Luc Besson): when you’re doubting your capacity to nurture someone else.


•ZORRO (directed by Rouben Mamoulian, the black and white with Tyrone Power): when you’ve been watching way too much UFC.


•THE PRESTIGE (directed by Christopher Nolan): when you are surrounded by idiots (at work or otherwise) and desperately need to believe in the intellect of mankind again.


•MAGNIFICO (directed by Maryo J. De Los Reyes): when you need to find your childlike faith. Special shout out to the writer of this film, Michiko Yamamoto, whom I had the pleasure of befriending in Manila,
thanks to Carissa.


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
CAUTION:
•TAKE WITH A SUPERSIZED SODA, BEER OR WINE FOR MAXIMUM EFFECTIVENESS.
•MAY CAUSE MICHAEL BAY FANS SOME DISORIENTATION, FOLLOWED BY A SUDDEN ACUTE AWARENESS.
•CONTINUED INTAKE MAY LEAD TO DEPENDENCY AND TARDINESS AT WORK.

READY OR NOT

Most of our lives are spent constantly preparing for something.
But between you and I, I think most of the time, we are never quite there.
In fact getting to a state of feeling perfectly ready could prove to be elusive. Sure, we can wait...and wait...until one day we feel all is just perfect, just right. But isn’t it a terrible heartache to constantly be "preparing" and never fully immersing in everything that life has to offer right now?

Our minds tell us too frequently that we need more time, more money, more preparation. And while I do agree that there are skill sets to be developed, strengths to be harbored, rejuvenation and revitalization to go through, I have also recently realized that sometimes we just need to confront the task and let our hearts bite the bullet. Because the truth is sometimes all of us are hiding behind the “not being ready” level. Because it is a comfortable and safe zone to be in. There we can claim we are doing something, while simultaneously being protected from both failing and succeeding (I remember what they say–––people’s greatest fear is not "in failing", but it’s actually "in succeeding").

A year or so ago, I could have officially left my company and followed my heart. I told myself let me be stable first, let me study first, let me save up first. Well more than a year has passed since then. And now the economy has tanked, I haven’t nearly taken all the classes I still need to take, and it’s not like I have that much savings to show either. Quite frankly, nothing much has changed really. But see this time, I decided to finally choose to dive in and quit. Arguably, you can say that I needed that much time to get mentally and emotionally prepared. Others might deem it foolish. But in my heart I also know that I just merely needed to look inside of me and have faith. Faith in God…in myself.

Once I believed that, I just needed to buckle up tight for the ride.
Because either way, I know I have chosen the more interesting and thrilling path.

I AM

I AM NOT A TEACHER, but I share lessons everyday.

I AM NOT A CHEF, but I feed people's souls.

I AM NOT A MOTHER, but I nurture.

I AM NOT A DANCER, but I’ve been known to strut to my own tune.

I AM NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER, but I freeze moments in my mind.

I AM NOT A SCIENTIST, but I solve life's difficult equations.

I AM NOT A MAN, but I can be unavailable.

I AM NOT A STAND UP COMIC, but every now and then I tickle people.

I AM NOT A SURGEON, but I can see inside people.

I AM NOT A MAGICIAN, but I pull rabbits out if I have to.

I AM NOT A V.P.-ANYTHING, but I am still a V.I.P.

I AM NOT A SINGER, but I sing outside the shower.

I AM NOT A MARTIAL ARTIST, but I can put on a good fight.

I AM NOT A SUPERHERO, but I rescue (and love capes).

I AM NOT A MODEL, but I walk tall.

I AM NOT A WRITER but I can still put a word or two together
and inspire people.



• Never let anyone or anything stop you from being all you're supposed to be •