A to B

I’ve been caught in a flurry of very emotional and very big decisions lately. It’s as if I’ve opened a number of canned worms and I have so much to attend to all at once. I am very overwhelmed to say the least. Tired everyday and completely losing steam.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In my quest for satisfying my creative hunger and following my true passion, I’ve not only disrupted my own life, but also that of my family’s and co-workers’. I’ve been praying deeply about this for a very long time now. And each time I know that the decision to pack up in a few months and head to SoCal in pursuit of my creative passion is my next level.

All of us climb through stages. Each time we make a move, we can only hope it’s towards the next level. The next level, presumably a better level. To have a calm, quite acceptable, comfortable life turned into a pool of uncertainty is core-shaking. It feels foolish to abandon a very safe space. In the middle of the frenzy, you start to wonder if it’s all worth it. All the new drama. All the discomfort. All the painful details. But when I look at the alternative, all I see is mediocrity.
And that to me is even more crazy scary.

Now I guess on days when I’m crawling into bed in tears from sheer stress and fatigue, I almost want to “abort mission” just to make it instantly easy on me and everyone else. But these are also the same moments that tell me just how much I really do want it. And boy, do I want it bad. Because if I truly didn’t, I have every excuse, and every exit door to take in order to revert back to my quiet, albeit expected life.

One of the many things I did last weekend as part of my preparation for this big move, is I got myself a used minivan. That’s right, a minivan.

After several weeks of test-driving and painful deliberation, I settled for an old, yet highly reliable soccer mom vehicle. It’s a decision that still has my head reeling. It’s not the fastest, and certainly not the coolest. But the price was right, and I realized that at this very moment, I didn’t need a “financed” flashy vehicle. What I merely needed was a decent car that’ll take me safely from point A to B. And so, I will drive this van of mine with head held high.

If you ever see a “cherry chocolate” minivan in the highway, honk twice before passing me by in support of following your own life's missions. Nope, I am not going to any kid’s soccer game, at least not quite yet. I am however, headed for my dreams, and what a ride it will be!
Now excuse me while I primp my ride. And please don't block the driveway.